Throughout much of my life, people have told me that I am strong. People look up to me; I got a standing ovation at graduation simply because I brought my individuality to the stage.
I never quite understood what people meant by this. I don’t feel strong. I guess I have a lot of will power; I did just finish a 6 month allergy elimination testing in which I had to severely restrict what I ate (and cheating meant starting all over). But mostly, I just do what I have to to get by, because there is no other choice.
Once in a while, it will all catch up to me. Like tonight, when Sam and I were laying in bed and I was reflecting on *just how different* my life is now from when we met 7 years ago. Before the pain hit me. When I was invincible.
I started sobbing out of nowhere. Sam is amazing, and after being with me for so long, he knows exactly what to do for me most of the time. He held me and told me I don’t need to be strong all the time. That sometimes, it’s okay to be weak. He’ll be strong for me.
I’m not that strong. Just too stubborn to give up.
Endo Sucks 