Verification

There are some parts of our bodies with a phenomenal amount of elasticity, if you think about it.  Our lungs, bladders and intestines, for example, can all stretch quite a bit in a short amount of time without repercussions.  But uteruses (uteri?) are not one of these organs.

Today was the hysterosalpingogram to make sure my Essure procedure took.  I had been warned that it would be painful before I went, so I took a Celebrex and Sam drove with me to Lebanon.  When we got there, I had to pee, but some diagnostic tests you are allowed to pee and some you are not, so I held it for half an hour until a receptionist was able to find out which it was.

My appointment was for 1:00, but the hospital staff had to get the x-ray room ready, so we didn’t get started until a little past 1:30.  I had to have a speculum so that the doctor could coat my cervix with Betadine and put a catheter in my uterus.  After everything was set up, the nurse called the radiologist to come down so we could start the actual test.

The doctor slowly injected dye into my uterus while the radiologist took photos.  The idea is that, if the Essure procedure worked, my Fallopian tubes would now be blocked with scar tissue and the dye would not be able to flow out from my uterus.  Of course, they have to push in enough dye to be sure, so the uterus swells a little during the test.

I’ve had some really awful menstrual cramps before–once I had to leave school halfway through first block.  Another time I threw up from them.  This was worse than any cramps I have had.  I can think of only two other times when I have experienced pain even close to this.  The tattoo on the top of my foot is one of those.  The other is so personal I will not write about it even in a “tell-all” type of blog like this.

I’ve been pierced 13 times; I have 3 tattoos; I have broken a finger, been bit by a cat and a 2.5′ monitor lizard, and had two surgeries.  I don’t generally think of myself as a wuss.  Today, I totally feel like a wuss.  I told Sam that if sex hurt that much, he would never get laid again.

After the test, the doctor said I looked really pale and asked if I was nauseous.  I told her no, just still very crampy.  I laid on the table for a few more minutes, then got up to use the bathroom.  Apparently, having my uterus filled with dye just sent my GI tract into a “oh, hell no” state.  I ended up having diarrhea and became extremely nauseous.  I have thrown up once in the last 16 years, only because of food poisoning, so for something to make me nauseous, it is extreme.  I managed to keep it down and felt much better once I got off the toilet.

Sam and I left the hospital and stopped at Panera for lunch.  They have a wonderful Mediterranean veggie sandwich that I get toasted and without onions or cheese.  I also had an enormous pecan roll that I felt like I deserved after that grueling experience.  Russty gets his blueberries after his meds, I get a pecan roll.  It’s only fair.

Edit (thanks Katie, I am a ditz today):  The procedure worked!  If it hadn’t, and I’d had to go back in three months for a second test, I would have been very, very sad.  Sam and I no longer have to worry about getting pregnant.  What a weight lifted from my shoulders.