No, this entry is not about gay rights. It’s about another taboo part of daily life–female sexuality. In particular, it’s about my personal sex life. If you’re related to me, or easily offended, you may not want to read this one. It’s gonna make you uncomfortable, at the least, but if you can get through it, you will have a profound understanding of endometriosis that most women would never dream of telling you.
I started having sex at 17. I always loved it, and when I met Sam, I loved it even more. He was amazing–he made me orgasm almost every single time. Then when I was 23, it started to hurt. I ignored it for a while (a year and a half), hoping it would go away. When I finally went to the doctor, I found out it was endometriosis. Little did I know just how much that would impact my life.
At first, the pain wasn’t overbearing. I could ignore it for the most part. It did seem to get worse if I got close to orgasm, but I could handle it. Over time, the pain became so bad that certain positions became impossible. Anything from behind is just not happening, probably for the rest of my life. Most days, it’s all I can do to handle missionary. And that’s after doping myself up with Celebrex.
We can’t have sex more than once every 2-3 days, because I hurt afterwards. And it’s not that good hurt like when I was younger. It’s a “something is wrong with my body” hurt. Sometimes I hurt so much right afterwards that I can’t get off the bed until I force my muscles to relax.
Starting about 3 months ago, it hurt so much when I orgasmed that I was afraid to even try. Made for a lot of quickies, and a lot of frustration. Sam is a giver, so he doesn’t like seeing me in pain or unable to enjoy myself. I took some herbal stuff from my naturopath, and that has helped the orgasm pain. I am still afraid to let myself go completely.
O, and about orgasm–I cannot do it from internal stimulation anymore. It’s gotta be clitoral stimulation or nothing. How’s that for aggravating?
The other night, we had “normal” sex for the first time in months. It didn’t hurt at all. I had a slight heavy feeling afterwards, but no pain. I cried, I was so happy.
Despite all this, I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve heard of women who cannot have sex at all–can’t even have a pelvic exam–without excruciating pain. I’m trying everything to make sure I don’t get to that point, but Sam tells me he’ll still be with me if we can’t ever have sex again. And I believe him.
Endo Sucks 